Now. Some people may not agree with this. But that’s just those wanna-be fake elitism shit heads that think they’re “above” everyone. So for those normal, above average intelligent college students that just take it a day at at time cause you don’t know when your next supply of Adderall will be available.. Enjoy
Now, I’m not one to just brag and brag and brag, but for THIS SITUATION, I sure as hell am going to. I’d say it’s as good as Stumble Upon, but I’d be lying. Mostly cause everything on this Tumblr is stuff that I’m all ready to geek about, and SU sometimes fails in that department.
For all you non-haters out there, check out my biffle Bailz Tumblr, kthx: http://givenotonefuck.tumblr.com/
xoxo, the little birdy.
Many of you may immediately recognize what I’m saying with this simple phrase. For those that do not, it’s that brief moment when you say something so incredibly stupid that it feels like your whole world has started to crumble around you and you’re almost suffocating. Obviously the walls aren’t really falling and you aren’t really choking on debris, but the tightness in your chest and heaviness in your limbs.
Now, I don’t mean being a jackass. Where that one drunk guy calls some low self-esteem nobody “fat” when she asks if she could buy him a drink and he mumbles some near incoherent reply when a simple no is perfectly acceptable. Or when someone makes a racist joke then realizes that someone just adopted a black baby. That’s just being a jerk. [Read: I use jerk as a term of endearment majority of the time, in this instance however, it's serious.]
Jerk: (Noun) An idiot or stupid person. An insensitive, selfish, ignorant, cocky person who is inconsiderate and does stupid things.
To get to the point though.. I recently suffered from a severe case of foot in mouth syndrome. Yes I had the pressure and heaviness. Of course I had other symptoms that included frowning and lots of eye rubbing. (I don’t get the eye rubbing either, maybe that was just cause it was 3am). And of course regret. I’m not one to really regret doing things. So that sucked hardcore. Like harder than a little kid sucks a bottle to get that laaast little bit of milk or juice in there. That hard. I’m not sure if that’s in good terms for everyone, but hopefully. I’d like to make sure that point is clarified and no where near hazy. And plus I feel it lightened the mood a little.
But anyways. Yes. I went through that. Luckily, I pick friends carefully so that they are understanding enough to realize that I may seem perfect, but I do f up every now and then. Eventually things calmed and I relaxed and everything was well. But not without lots of “o.o” and “…” moments. Not on my part. On theirs. Right now, if he’s reading this, he’s probably going to have the same response. But that’s okay. I won’t name him. No one will know. He did encourage me to talk about my ‘feelings’. (Whether that be here or to him, I’m not sure.)
…lol, like that’ll happen, at least on here. I rather eat my fingernails. I mean, who wants to read about the tragedies of some middle-class white girl. Boooorrringgggg. Instead I’ll continue my tirade of things that happen, thoughts that occur, and obversations I make of life.
xoxo, the little birdy.
This is the most absolute worst thing I could imagine ever doing. Well. That’s legal.. ;o But that’s a whole other blog, I’m sure. The thing I find that irritates me beyond comprehension is when teachers tell me to go back and check my answers, resulting in changing some answers because I second guess myself. In PSYC 107, we learn that sometimes decision making is best when you go with your gut instinct. I agree with this. It so far has resulted in pleasantness for myself and probably others.
However, on Thursday, I’m sitting in my psychology class. Fidgeting as I rehearse my notes over and over (and over and over..) in my mind as I wait to receive my test. As the professor is nearing my row, he raises his voice to remind the class to be sure to go back and check our answers once we are finished just to ensure we’ve fully understood the questions he’s asked of us. Omen of Death. DEATH. Do you know what this means!? I’m paranoid. Freaking the f out. So I go back and make sure I “understand” his questions. Which ends up with me changing answers! Fff. The worst possible thing I could have done, I’m sure.
It’s so not fair that I’m so amazing at convincing myself of anything if I try hard enough. I could talk myself into most answers given on the test, which always worries me.
Now to to go off on a tangent. While it does not have anything to do with second guessing myself, it does have to do with my psychology class. My prof taught us about state-dependent retrieval. This is that while you study in one state of mind/surroundings, it is much easier to take a test in the same state. Hence the name.
So I’m chillaxin in my seat, still going over my notes, as the professor turns the lights on. Not once in class have we taken notes with the lights on. Immediately I go into a panic. And I explain to the person beside me that this is just not fair on our profs part. The guy beside me informs me that I should tell the professor just that. I wanted to, so so much. But I couldn’t. I’m far too shy. And what if he got angry?! Or upset?! What if he sabotaged my grades!? In the end, I didn’t. But I really should have. Or have written him a note. Just to let him come to be aware of the fact that he wasn’t even following his teachings.
I know in my last blog I talked about the calmness in my mind. It’s disappearing quickly. There’s pressure building. Dislikedislikedislike. For now though, I’ll go back to relaxing.
xoxo, the little birdy.
I’m not sure if anyone else experiences this or not, but that brief period of absolute calm in your mind. Where nothing is severely bothering you, no problems are occurring, and you can actually sleep peacefully at night. Well, maybe some lower IQ human specimens may experience this -all- the time. But I mean that time right before something major happens and your mind is running 25/8. Yes 25/8, not 24/7 for God knows how long until things to relatively back to normal.
I find this time troubling more than the crazy thoughts going one hundred gazillion times per minute. Why, you may ask? Because I’ve obviously found out that this tranquillity is followed by absolute chaos in my dome. To the few people that actually know me, you may think (know) that I’m always in a constant state of chaos, whether it be my actions, my mind or both simultaneously. But disregard that for the moment. And take into account that if you think that I’m absolutely insane at some points, imagine just how bad the tempest raging in my mind is going to be for the next week or so.
For now though, my fellow bloggers, I’m going to just accept the fact that I’m calm at this moment. I’ll milk it for all it’s worth. Why shouldn’t I? Lord knows that I’m going to need to rest because once the craziness starts, I’m certainly going to be a wreck and beside myself with thoughts continuously moving around my mind. Ah well. C’est la vie. So longgg. Fair weelll.
xoxo, the little birdy.
p.s. Hello, Thomas. Who I know is reading this. :>
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